My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
