I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
