I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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