you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize