he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
