i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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