Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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