I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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