Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
