I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize