where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
