she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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