well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
