i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
