my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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