Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
