Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.