Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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(734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q

Replies (24) Good night (11240) Bad night (1530)
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(925): View more from California

Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

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(925): Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/fkde

Replies (47) Good night (5541) Bad night (1386)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.

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(843): It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora. http://tfl.nu/zv3b

Replies (16) Good night (2764) Bad night (1041)
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(716): View more from New York

You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70

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(716): You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70 http://tfl.nu/w9g2

Replies (13) Good night (6208) Bad night (1032)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.

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(970): I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower. http://tfl.nu/95p5

Replies (8) Good night (3231) Bad night (1147)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even

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(717): She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even http://tfl.nu/tali

Replies (14) Good night (3248) Bad night (1391)
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(970): View more from Colorado

We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, its January.

(970): View more from Colorado

We're going to do the voices too.

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(970): We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots. (303): Dude, its January. (970): We're going to do the voices too. http://tfl.nu/k3gb

Replies (13) Good night (5393) Bad night (867)
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(801): View more from Utah

He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.

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(801): He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex. http://tfl.nu/rz6s

Replies (12) Good night (4205) Bad night (914)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot

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(781): I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot http://tfl.nu/lamm

Replies (2) Good night (712) Bad night (1675)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.

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(402): Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun. http://tfl.nu/qwzs

Replies (3) Good night (1535) Bad night (768)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

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(413): Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option) http://tfl.nu/d3t6

Replies (13) Good night (4105) Bad night (776)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?

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(231): Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often? http://tfl.nu/yhxm

Replies (4) Good night (1718) Bad night (584)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger

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(248): I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger http://tfl.nu/4bsz

Replies (8) Good night (567) Bad night (361)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea

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(402): I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea http://tfl.nu/68eq

Replies (2) Good night (412) Bad night (305)
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(614): View more from Ohio

This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.

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(614): This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato. http://tfl.nu/wzg8

Replies (4) Good night (314) Bad night (518)

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