In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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