dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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