i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
a search helicopter?!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
