we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
