wakey wakey hands off snakey
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
