Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
