come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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