listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
