In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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