It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
