i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
