Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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