:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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