Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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