i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
