Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
