guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
