just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
