Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
