Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
