I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
