I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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