so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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