Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
