evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
