i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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