yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My penis needs a shock collar
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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