Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."

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  (541): Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance." http://tfl.nu/5agg
  Replies (36) Good night (7332) Bad night (918)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?

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  (205): why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!? http://tfl.nu/xjgi
  Replies (29) Good night (799) Bad night (4102)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...

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  (936): im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses... http://tfl.nu/w5rv
  Replies (6) Good night (3780) Bad night (1028)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.

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  (870): I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership. http://tfl.nu/f8ej
  Replies (50) Good night (6696) Bad night (1464)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.

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  (509): Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico. http://tfl.nu/evuy
  Replies (13) Good night (5675) Bad night (1129)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

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  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (54) Good night (10865) Bad night (1810)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.

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  (480): There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge. http://tfl.nu/1ojy
  Replies (4) Good night (2685) Bad night (780)
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  (516): View more from New York

  she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.

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  (516): she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude. http://tfl.nu/2mtw
  Replies (6) Good night (2125) Bad night (1919)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo

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  (703): The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo http://tfl.nu/6q1j
  Replies (6) Good night (1311) Bad night (2423)
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  (707): View more from California

  I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.

  (1-707): View more from California

  is that even a sentence?

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  (707): I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina. (1-707): is that even a sentence? http://tfl.nu/j6fd
  Replies (13) Good night (3299) Bad night (1136)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.

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  (717): My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos. http://tfl.nu/1tew
  Replies (3) Good night (1051) Bad night (539)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.

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  (541): We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash. http://tfl.nu/8hyq
  Replies (1) Good night (839) Bad night (519)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.

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  (772): She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times. http://tfl.nu/p3ry
  Replies (5) Good night (1696) Bad night (641)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...

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  (704): So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around... http://tfl.nu/dav9
  Replies (0) Good night (716) Bad night (292)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine

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  (937): I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine http://tfl.nu/8o8e
  Replies (1) Good night (631) Bad night (282)

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