He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
