whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
