Im at strip club and am horny
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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