you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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