"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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