I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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