is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
