Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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