What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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