I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
