Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
