If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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