how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
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I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize