Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
