You can't motorboat a personality
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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