I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
