Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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