Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
