Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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