Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
