No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
