if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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