did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need to align my fucking chakras
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
