At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
