Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
