3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
