theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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